Bye, Bye Voice Of Doubt……at least for now

Good day: turned DP loose on the Valentine’s Day cookies and let her cut them out and frost them. Was it hard for me to just let her do everything? No, not at all. Now, if I had any kind of control issues or if I wanted things “just so” it could have been a real struggle but as it turns out, the bathroom has a door on it and I found it very peaceful in there for a couple of moments.

No seriously, she did a great job and she LIVES to be creative. I should probably always have a bag of icing in the fridge for her to play with….and it really is the perfect sensory activity. The cookies look like a seven year old decorated them, just as they should.

Then we went to violin lesson this afternoon. She hasn’t had a great week of practicing so I wasn’t holding out much hope for a very good session but she’s a performer at heart so she pulled out a great session. Even impressed the teacher with her technique-book work (which she practiced maybe three times in the past week, none with my help). How her brain works is amazing to witness.

It’s only Tuesday night and I swear it feels like Thursday. Homeschooling is great but it’s intense: always trying to keep them constructively occupied (especially Bug) with one bouncing off the walls and the other rolling on his head. I’m battling that nasty, wicked and seemingly ever-present voice in my head that whispers “You’re not doing enough” (especially for Bug) or that “we’re not structured enough”, and therefor neither one of them is benefiting. It’s amazing how insidious and dangerous those thoughts are. And those thoughts are SO wrapped up in performance. Teaching my kids at home is NOT a performance!! So I’m getting lots of good practice at rebuking lies and putting on the full armor of God everyday. And then sometimes I let the armor slide off and succumb to the pressures of performance and inevitably lose patience with both my kids and everyone hurts.

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