Diary of Days

I know I’m tired by 7:30 or 8 at night. Every night. No, let me clarify that. I know by 7:30 or 8 every night as we’re putting the kids to bed that I feel like I’ve been pulled through a hole backwards. “But why?”, I ask myself? “What did I do today?” In an effort to answer that question (and no, my sensitive-new-age-guy husband wouldn’t dare ask me that) I’ve decided to keep a diary of sorts. Not to prove anything to anyone about more or less to show myself how I spend/use my time. Pass me the bons bons please.

Friday, March 23rd

7am: Up and at ‘em to get DP to her OT eval on time

8:25 Left the house to take Bug to Costco-Sue’s house so she can watch him while DP and I go to her eval. Don’t’ account for morning traffic so I know I’m going to be late.

9:05 Costco-Sue had given me directions on a shortcut to get there so we arrive only 5 minutes late at the eval, which is more than not, when I arrive at places.

10:00 Leave the clinic w/ over-stimulated daughter in tow and wonder how we’re going to make it through the day without at least one major meltdown

10-10:45 Go to Target, pick up two new pillows to replace the trash-heaps that have been passing for pillows the pass few months (and I wonder why my post-concussive headaches continue) and feed the girl-child at the mall food court

11-1:00pm Go to Costco-Sue’s house and hang out for awhile, solving all the problems of the world, all the while commenting on what miracles our children are

1:30 Stop by the food co-op where my presence had been requested earlier but alas, I had missed my window of opportunity and drove back home…10 miles in the other direction.

1:45 Get to the house, leave the children in the car, to pick up a couple of library books and drop them off at the library

1:45-2:30 At the library with the kids where the boy picks out books on firetrucks and American flags and a book about going to the doctor, which he carries around with him throughout the library. Have to do a little negotiation with him to have him read it in a chair in the “grown up” area closer to where I’ll be and not the children’s area, which he views as his own living room. The daughter finds a Bill Nye The Science Guy DVD, (which thrills her to no end even though she’s seen it so many times she quotes The Master Of Science verbatim), and a Meerkat Manor set of DVD’s, which pretty much puts her over the edge of excitement and primes the pump for more Meerkats, which were highly anticipated to be watched later that evening. Plead insanity with the librarian and tell her I can’t find two books the library says have been past due since January. I’ve turned this little house upside down for weeks and can’t find either one at all. Feel horrible and flog myself so I don’t deal with it in person at the library. Turns out they didn’t really want my first born after all and by Friday I’m so numb that even the Chinese Water Torture doesn’t make me bat an eyelash.

2:30 Finish errands and arrive at home and face the day:

Check the mail and bring in the paper from the driveway

Unload the car of various items of children-paraphenalia. It all seems to multiple during any car-excursion and is rather eery. Empty the trunk of the newly acquired pillows and kitchen broom.

Set the boy up with a DVD in my dad’s office so he’s 1) contained and 2) safe for the next few minutes. This involves finding his hearing aids and his FM system and getting that hooked up so I don’t have to hear Psalty for the 145th time. Get the girl set up at the other end of the house in our bedroom w/ a Larry Boy video so I can get a couple of things done in the next few minutes, conceivably Uninterrupted (oh wait, I must be on crack again!!)

Put the folded laundry away that’s been sitting on the couch

Put more laundry in the washer to soak (my dad’s not in town right now so thankfully I don’t have to face the ridicule of compulsive soaking)

Wash the dishes in the sink/put the clean dishes from the dishwasher away

Sweep the floors

Pick up toys

Check e-mail and see if anything is happening that I need to tend to

Larry Boy is done so I have the girl child sit on the couch with me and finish reading one of the “1st Little House” books to me. I tell her she’s doing a great job and her reading is really coming along nicely.

Then we read a children’s book of the Phillippines, where my father is currently on a medical mission. She compares the exploits of Ferdinand Magellan and American Imperialism to that of Meerkat behavior. Her analogies, however far reaching, never cease to amaze me on one hand and exhaust me on the other. I’m more than a little nervous for the the future. Both hers and mine. Wonder if M.I.T. does correspondence work.

5pm Just when I start thinking seriously about making dinner, the husband calls and says he’s broken his 10 day fast and would we like to meet as a family for dinner at a restaurant near the house. I told him I’d need to think about it for awhile and then responded .04 seconds later with a resounding yes.

5-6pm Finish reading w/ the daughter, change the boy’s clothes for the third time that day and do a final “pick up” of things around the house.

6:15 Leave for the restaurant

8:00pm Get home. Let the kids watch Meerkat Manor. I bring the laptop to the bedroom and IM my best friend and watch a little of the show

9pm Lights out for the kiddos

Brain feels like pudding….but why?


SAT/SUN 3/24&25

9am: I awake with the loft goal of achieving the aerobic activity of a mollusk but I’ve committed to watching my two year old nephew for the day so I get in the shower hoping to scrub the sleepy scales from my body (no easy undertaking given the amount of real estate I must now cover).

DP in the meantime is watching the Meerkat Manor DVD we got from the library. I figure that will buy me at least another two hours. I’m not that far off the mark.

I awake up with that nagging “bumpy” feeling in my throat. After my shower I immediately make garlic tea, which is about the last thing I want to drink on a Saturday morning. I’m not hungry for breakfast but the garlic in the tea immediately threatens to undo my insides so I find something to nibble on. I call my friend Costco-Sue and tell her my throat is feeling funny and since I had seen her the previous two days, I thought she might want to know. Her back is already killing her for day #2 so she’s especially receptive to hearing that a new bug might be threatening to infect her family. While I’m on the phone with her and in between being interrupted by the 7 year old who’s quibbling with the two year old cousin, and trying to divert my oldest son from scaling the closet shelves to watch yet another DVD, I make myself another cup of garlic tea. The first one was just so yummy I thought the second one would send me into orbit. Truthfully, one of the “ballet moms” (a sad moniker I know, but it’s succinct and accurate. However I do not imply in any way that she is a stage mom ….just a mom of another ballet student. So much for being succinct) SWEARS by this tea and I don’t want even a HINT of sickness in my body so I make myself cup #2 hoping to kill off all the germs by Noon.

By 10:30 My nephew arrives and we get him happily ensconced with play with his cousins and my niece off to her job as a line cook.

My husband comes into the kitchen to make his traditional Saturday Morning Pancakes. I’m relieved off that duty due to utter failure in my previous attempt at pinch-hitting for him. The incongruity of being a Chef For Hire but not be able to make thoroughly cooked pancakes doesn’t faze me in the least. I also burn toast with frightening regularity (you laugh but the smoke alarm in the kitchen is disarmed). I’d rather make a Portobello risotto, the Barefoot Contessa’s Lemon Cake, Chocolate Hazelnut Brownies, or Crispy Tofu and Green Beans any day. But I digress: we don’t have any maple syrup and I’m growing tired of my apple syrup so I find some fresh blueberries in the garage fridge which desperately need to be used before they take on the appearance and consistency of shriveled b’b’s. I toss the blueberries in a pan with some water and sugar and make blueberry syrup while the pancakes are cooking.
While I’m trashing the kitchen, I figure I might as well make pesto with some free basil I got from food co-op (why I was the only one who wanted fresh basil is WAY beyond me but I ended up taking the whole batch home).

12:30 Get the Raven Haired Whirling Dirvish going on her violin practice, as she had missed Friday’s session. Next hour spent in violin-practice-hell because the girl-child is WAY overspent from the OT eval from the day before. I make a snap decision toward the end of the Whine Where’s My Cheese? Session that she too needs a nap. At first she thinks she’s going to be able to nap WITH her little cousin but because I am the Evil Mother From Hell, I dash those hopes into smithereens (it’s the joy in the little things I keep telling myself).

1:45-2:15 Snacks before exile. The two year old happily picks up the toys he’s strewn about the house and settles in for some yogourt. His older cousin however is performing a believable scene from Gone With The Wind and is convincingly wailing about how she’ll die if she has to lie down and take a nap. Then she demands that I calm her down. I laugh, which not only doesn’t help the situation, it adds to her hysteria. But she does manage to get herself together long enough to sit at the table where her little cousin is chanting to her, “Don’t cry….Don’t cry”. So sweet. I need more of him.

2:30-4:15 The seven year old manages to come out of the bedroom no less than five times to tell us that she doesn’t need to sleep and is really in quite a fine mood. Her older brother is set up with a movie but grows bored so my husband and I trade off reading and playing with him.

I try to IM with my best friend but am interrupted fairly frequently by a slick sales pitch of non-tiredness and complete willingness to be civil and respectful.

4:15 I give up all semblances of having an adult conversation with anyone regardless of the medium and tell the daughter to get herself dressed for church. This, of course, requires total management on my part as she has tragically lost all ability to dress herself in any way. I’m seeing a pattern here.

I try to put on some make up to make myself look more human and less ghost-like and go to the garage to iron my clothes. The two year old continues to sleep in the next bedroom. Thank God for small favors.

The husband and I tag-team the kids and get them ready and in the Sub by 5:30. Two year old still sleeping. Wake him up as we’re gathering the last bags for the Sub and the phone rings. A nephew needing a ride to church. No problem I tell him, we’ll be outside his dorm in 5 minutes.

6pm Arrive at church in a downpour. But reasonably happy and healthy (no weird feeing in my throat, although I do munch down two breathmints so don’t make anyone near me pass out)

SUNDAY

Sleep in till 10am. Decide that both children having figured out how to turn on the Disney Channel is a good thing. Doesn’t bother me one bit. Not one shred of guilt so don’t’ even go there with me.

Another day another goal of doing absolutely nothing. Goals are important. Just ask all the Captains of Industry, and I figure by brazenly sleeping in until 10, I’m well on my way to SlothVille, USA.

TV gets turned off at 10:30 which means, “One, Two, Three: Eyes On Me!!” But it’s all good and the kids are in good moods. My brain may feel like pudding but their little faces are THE most beautiful in the world and I do enjoy being with them. DP had me braid her hair Saturday night and she takes it out but it’s not poofy enough for her so off to the bathroom we go. I tell her that many braids would = much poofiness but she’s not too enthusiastic about this as she can’t STAND having her scalp touched. And she has me for a mother. Her loss. I manage to sneak in six braids all over her head before the wailing brings the police to our front door.

Try to jump on the tramp with DP in the morning but it’s still filled with water.

Forced to go look at e-mail on the computer and see if I’ve won any of the items I had been bidding on on e-bay. Looks like I’ve won a few childrens videos. The home-line phone rings and I answer but no one’s there….Well someone’s there but they’re not answering me. I hear some female voices chattering back and forth to one another and realize that one of those is my mother. Her cell phone has somehow dialed our number and she doesn’t know. I hear something about “flip flops” and every once and a while someone laughs. She’s out in the hills of Kentucky doing Lord Knows What chatting it up about flip flops. She never does hear me on this end so I click off.

Get an e-mail from a “freecycler” that we have indeed been awarded a free violin that I had responded to earlier in the week. Turns out someone else who had been ahead of me never showed up. Her loss my gain…hopefully. Get directions from her, which don’t include ONE street name. I know this is going to be interesting. The lady who’s giving us the violin ask that DP come along and play something for her on her violin. No problem. One budding violinist ready to go. Only had to call the husband once for the donator’s phone # and get directions directly from her. She honestly didn’t’ think there were any street signs near her house. When I meet her I realize she’s a total right brain person. I now understand Spok’s frustration with the rest of the universe.

Get the violin and manage to extract ourselves from Jumping Dalmation Grotto and Ferret Heaven. Fortunately DP is fearless around dogs and doesn’t even flinch when she’s accosted by two very large dalmations who aren’t exactly exuding warmth and friendliness. They’re not overtly aggressive but they’re dalmations, which is to say they’re “tschzed” in the head to a large degree and shouldn’t be trusted as far as you can throw them. I tried to step in between the dogs and my daughter but to no avail. Those dogs didn’t know the “off” anymore than I know what E=mc2. She managed to get inside their house with two big black paw prints on her chest. And what seemed like an hour later we managed to leave with a rather old and in questionable-shape-but-free violin.

Off to the shoe store where we find Easter shoes for her. I’m way AHEAD of the game this year and I anticipate that the Fairy Of Organized Mommies will be swooping down to award me with calorie-free chocolate brownies any minute. I’m in a generous mood and spring for outdoor-rugged-sandals for her too. She in turn talks me into buying Dadu new work boots and won’t hear anything but a resounding “yes” for an answer. So my wallet MUCH lighter, we’re off to our next adventure.

Stop at the house of a friend whose son could use some x-large diapers. DP asks right off the bat if they have any cats. She says no and DP retorts, well it sure smells like it. I figure this woman is a nurse….any marks I leave on my child, she can fix right? What in the name of all that is right is so blinkin’ hard about teaching children manners?? I send her (my daughter, not my innocent friend) to the car and hope that she stays there so I don’t have to beat her in public. I make the appropriate mouth noises to my friend and we make tentative plans to get the kids together sometime soon (when everyone’s healthy and the weather improves a bit….that’ll be right before they wheel us into the old folks’ home). Then I get into the car and give the Social Niceties Lecture. OY. I may not survive till dinner.

4pm Get home. Jump on the trampoline with DP for awhile and realize what a lovely aerobic experience that is and just how out of shape my rear end is. Humility is a wonderful thing

Put away new shoes for the girl. Dadu tries on his new boots and declares them acceptable. Bug is on outfit #5 on the day after soaking through two outfits and after two forays (sp?) out to the garden where there’s a small puddle of water in the black tarp covering the mound of dirt in my dad’s yard. This is experience is as close to heaven on earth as Bug can get but it’s just a bit too cold to let him wallow in it. So we track him down and bring inside to the wardrobe trailer.

5:30 We sit down and eat raviolis w/ the pesto sauce I had made Saturday. I missed my hoped-for-dinner-time of 5pm but I think we’ll still get the kids in the tub in time for an early bedtime.

6:15 They’re in the bath. Bug is crying and his hair is soaked. DP claims total innocence. I was born at night but not last night I tell her. Blank stare in return. I need to find my best friend on IM. Or a magnum of Bordeaux. IM delivers for me and I chat while the kids play.

7pm Kids out of tub. Bug, being a self sufficient kind of guy, gets out of the tub and saunters down the hall in all his glory and crawls into bed soaking wet. I love a man who knows how to solve his own problems. The Princess of Bubbles however stands there yelling for me to come help her get out and get her dried. What do I look like, a valet? I ask her that and get another blank stare. This girl needs her vocabulary expanded. She proceeds to have me wait while she writes her name in the bubbles with the water from her rubber duckies. “Hmmm” I think to myself, “stand here waiting for Her Highness for the next ten minutes or go back to IM w/ Glyn”. No contest. Wails from the bathroom. Fortunately I’m half deaf.

Dadu reads to them before bed. Puddin’-Brain is no help whatsoever. I sing to them and gives hugs and kisses.

The day is officially over. Put a fork in me; I’m done.

But wait, I’m not done. I’m IM’ing w/ Glyn and realize that Bug’s ear is still stinkin’ up a storm (after three weeks of topical drops and me getting in there w/ q-tips soaked in hydrogen peroxide) and I really should get him into the doc. So I figure out how to make an appt on-line w/ the ped (have I mentioned, I LOVE technology?) and we get something set up for Monday morning before therapies begin.

10pm I call it a night


MONDAY, March 26, 2007

7am Alarm goes off bright and early. I can’t do it. I’m not woman enough. I hit the snooze and hope I don’t sleep through it.

7:23 I’m up, I’m up. Big day ahead w/ a trip to the ped’s office and a full compliment of therapies on the schedule. After leaving the house we won’t be home before 1:30 probably. I grope my way to the bathroom, being as stealthy as I can as I brush my teeth and wipe the sleep out of my eyes so as to not awaken the Whirling Dirvish. She went to bed with six braids. I wonder how many are left in her head.

I go to the kitchen and put on water for oatmeal. At least they can have a hot breakfast before we dash out the door this morning. I find a big #10 can of garbanzo beans and am opening them so I can soak some of them in water all day when she comes padding down the hall….happy, happy, happy to be starting a brand new day. She has a whole new lot of words fresh and ready to be used for the day and I’m the first person she gets to use them with. I love her energy but sometimes when I’m not fully awake it’s a little intimidating.
But we’re good and she follows me into the bathroom where I finish washing my face and I drink more water.

She hears Ebony get up and her attention is immediately diverted to the 100lb. walking rug. She and Eb snuggle in the corner of the living room and Ebony starts her day with enough kisses and hugs to sink a ship. Every dog should be so lucky to have my daughter love them.

8am I go in and wake up the Sleeping Prince who is sure someone at the Main Office has made a mistake. He tries to wrap himself back up in the covers but I’m faster than he is and I kiss his ears and make him giggle. Up and at ‘em and riding roughshod over both of them in order to get them dressed and out the door by 8:45. We unfurled the braids on the daughter’s head and she declares it an acceptable level of poofiness. She looks like a wild-child. A show-stopping, head-turning Wild Child but a wild child nonetheless.

8:55 Out the door. I need to pre-back-time my life by at least :45 to get anywhere on time.

9:20 Get to the doctor’s office. Need to be much more aggressive in digging in the boy’s ear. Oh good, I can’t wait for that part of the show.

10:00 Leave the doc’s office. Get a call on my cell from another mom who’s been trying to contact me. Her kiddo w/ DS is also a boy w/ bilateral hearing loss. We have a lovely chat on the phone (first mom in 8 ½ years w/ a kiddo w/ DS & bilateral hearing loss who wears aids). We click off promising to e-mail or talk on the phone in the next day or two.

10:15 Take the kids to the new Target by my ped’s office to look for an over-the-door hanger thing. Sad but true: our family of four is busting out of the guest room we’re living room (shocking I know). And I spring for some popcorn & a slushie as a mid-morning and before-therapy treat.

11:27 Get to Hayden’s school for therapy early by two minutes for the first (and probably last) time ever. Find out the ST had called the home phone and left a message NOT to come in today because all week it’s parent-teacher conferences and school gets out at Noon. She said it’s no problem for her to work w/ Hayden but we don’t have to come in on Thursday and nothing at all for next week as it’s Spring Break. Okee dokee with me.

12:15 Get home and check the mail and find the Dansko’s I had ordered from e-bay have arrived. Happy Monday for me. The shoes feel like butter and I decide I will buried in them.

Go back to the car and finish schlepping everything out from the trunk and back seats.
Put more laundry in the washer. Take stuff out of the dryer and put it on the chair in the living room.

Make sandwiches for the kids. I eat some leftover ravioli from the night before and share some w/ DP.

DP continues her schoolwork after lunch.

We had invited my nephew David over for dinner all of this week because it’s Spring Break at college and the cafeteria is closed for the week. So I start dinner. It will involve the garbanzo beans that I had been soaking since getting up in the morning but not sure what else. I decide on Harissa, a Moroccan chickpea soup. Hearty and flavorful and easy. Except I don’t think I have enough veggie broth in the fridge. Will need to run to the store to get some. ARRGH.

4:30 Schlep the kiddoes in the car to go to my favorite discount grocery store that sells things from all over the world dirt cheap. I love this country. Hayden flirts shamelessly with the clerk there while I find what we need.

5:00 Get home and realize that 1) I don’t have all the produce I need and 2) DP needs to pull out her violin and practice. I WILL NOT go to the store again so I start dialing-for-dollars with the neighbors and come up with some celery from one of them. DP will go get it after her scales. I decide the husband can get the couple of other things on his way home.

6:30 Husband and nephew walk in w/ produce in hand

7:00 Sit down to eat. Girl-child is OUT OF HER MIND w/ excitement because her favorite cousin is over for dinner. Not just her favorite cousin, her FAVORITE PERSON IN THE WHOLE WORLD is over for dinner. Did she just see him 48 hours earlier when we took him to church with us? Yes, but that was then and THIS IS NOW. She had promised me earlier that she would practice her scales and theory before David came over and would play her songs for him after dinner. Somehow I think this isn’t going to work out as planned.

8pm The violin comes out. She’s too wound up to have a decent practice and I’m too tired to deal w/ her in a pleasant way. Enough said on that.

9pm Mercifully Jeff deals with bedtime as my nerves are shot. David’s still here and I numb myself w/ something on TV and realize I have missed absolutely nothing in not watching TV for two years.

10pm Ni-night Puddin’ Head

Tuesday

7:30 Wake up on my own and look forward to getting the day started. Tuesdays are our “Performing Arts” days and I’ve already decided to not ask too much out of DP in terms of expressive learning today (writing) to save her for her busy afternoon of violin & ballet. Get breakfast started for the kidlets. DP gets up shortly after I do. Take more laundry out of the dryer. Put more into the washer and set it on soak. A four-hour soak cycle would be a good feature on a washing machine in my estimation. The kids eat bowls of leftover oatmeal.

9am Ready to start school but by this time I’m fairly frustrated because I’ve had to remind the girl-child at least five times on each task to stay on the task. I pick a strategic time to lock myself in the bathroom and do some quick devotions, submitting myself wholly to the authority of God. More God less of me. It feels SO good. So peaceful. I can do this. She’s a seven year old child with lots of energy. It’s okay, I can do this with God’s help. The peace feels good. Then I leave the bathroom. Bad idea.

9:20 Get us all settled on the couch and we’re about to read some from the book of Daniel when one of my cousins arrives to pick some things up. It’s okay, we had made this arrangement. I get DP started on some school work and meet Lisa in the garage. Lisa leaves for a minute to get something out of her van and DP says to me, “What do you think is more important: to continue praying (what we were doing when my cousin knocked on the door) or to answer the door?” I say, “What do you think?” and she says, “To keep praying”. How is that I’m raising a Pharisee? I mean where did THAT come from? As blandly as I can I say, “That’s exactly what the Pharisees would have said” and I quickly excused myself to help my cousin in the garage before an exhaustive and exhausTING conversation begins. That was my first big clue that the girl child and I were on different paths for the day.

10am Cousin leaves to help my aunt with something across the street. DP’s doing great on her work and I pull Bug aside to work with him. Realize it’s been ages since he’s been able to play the violin so I have him sit on the ball and he plays the violin for a few minutes. Loves it. We go through his reading words together and he nails ‘em, except for one, maybe two words. But he’s said them (signed them) before so I’m not worried.
Then we do some cross crawls. In between DP comes in to see what we’re doing. Then I have him stack blocks while he sits on the ball. Blocks are not his favorite activity but I believe it will help him with fine motor activities.

10:10 Starving, I find some leftover ravioli in the fridge and heat it up in the microwave. As it’s heating, I look over DP’s work and have her make some corrections. I save some ravioli for her because if I don’t………well, it’s just easier to deal with it on this side of the whining about starvation

10:30 DP asks for a break and I say she can have a five minute break now because at 11am I’m going to let her watch Reading Between the Lions on PBS. She thinks 5 minutes isn’t a long enough break and I remind (probably not-so-gently) that the entire time she spends watching TV IS a break. Enjoy your five minutes now or forfeit them. Off she goes.

Bug and I go back to work on the ball and I have him practice his writing on a Doodle Art screen that he can erase by moving the cursor back and forth across the screen. This he does with great strength and determination. A few months ago he wouldn’t have been able to sit on the ball and move the peg across the board. It’s not super easy as there is some resistance. He does it over and over, smiling the whole time. He knows he’s hot stuff and it’s hard to argue with the evidence. He not only tolerates writing at shoulder level but seems to enjoy it. I move the board in such a way that he has to cross mid-line with whatever hand he’s using at the moment. He’s seems to be trading off hands lately and I’m not sure that he’s not deciding to be a lefty. It’s hard to tell. Either way I make him cross mid-line to do everything.

10:40 I get DP back on track w/ school work: (spelling time on the computer) and I take laundry into the bedroom to fold. In an effort to keep Bug contained and somewhat entertained (the two are symbiotic in nature), I turn on PBS and we catch the last few minutes of Elmos’ World before RBL.

11am The Lions are on and rather than take a shower and get ready for the rest of the day
Like I should be doing, I start dinner on the stove, knowing that we won’t be back from ballet till 5:30 or later and that I’m not going to have enough time to cook dinner and get the kids to bed on time.

11:30 RBL is over and DP is set for more work. I get her set up and now that dinner is somewhat ready, I jump in the shower w/ Bug in tow. He stays in the bathroom with me while I shower in somewhat peace. If you consider having to guard the shower doors from being opened while you’ve got shampoo running down into your eyes peaceful. But Bug’s contained and safe and that’s what matters-the essence of house arrest.

Noon Lunch for the kidlets. I finish the last couple of bites of ravioli and make them PB&J. We’re on track to get out of the house by 1:30-my goal. Have a good feeling about this. Costco Sue calls me and we lean on each other for a few minutes. I’m feeling fine. Kind of a tense morning at times (dealing w/ DP’s control issues and sassiness off and on) but for now I feel like I handle whatever the rest of the day holds.

1:00 Start gathering supplies and pack Bug’s backpack. Have DP get dressed. All is well

1:20 Take DP into the bathroom to do her hair. She loses it. I lose it more. Mother Of The Year? Hah!! I’d settle for Mother Of This Five Minutes. What a freakin’ nightmare. I just freakin lost my mind. Screamed at her and screamed at her. And she was screaming back. Should have stayed in the bathroom this morning. The lecture circuit began when we all got in the car to go to violin. I think I burned a hole in my stomach.
1:50 We finally leave for violin. The lecture continues. She’s banned from talking for the rest of the day.

5:30 Home from ballet. While dinner’s reheating I quickly vacuum the house. DP gets her pajamas on with no hassle. Probably because I have her on a very short leash. She’s still in fear of what I’ll do to her next.

No David for dinner. Can’t find him and the main desk at school isn’t answering. My next door neighbor comes over and we chat for a bit. We talk about freedom. Something I’m supposed to have. Oh I don’t know…like maybe freedom from anger. I’m reminded how far I have to go. I’m humbled. I’m trying to stay away from “I SUCK” but it’s hard. I was really heinous today.

7pm On time bedtime. Not early for DP like I had told she was going to have but on time…and that’s fine with me.

8-10 Idol’s on. Yeah. 10pm go to bed.

WEDNESDAY

7am Alarm goes off. Have to hit the snooze. Have to. Need to get back to the dream.

7:25 When the husband is driving the Suburban through my neighbor’s pool and Gwen Stefani is there, I decide it’s time to end the freaky dream and get out of bed. Too much popcorn while I’m watching Idol I bet.

Fold clothes in the living room while the kids are eating breakfast. Put them away in the bedroom and pick out the kids’ clothes for today.

Kids up, fed and dressed and we’re out the door, heading for food co-op for the first time ON TIME in weeks. Get Bug situated in the car and go in the house to collect all our gear. Come back out and Hayden’s soaked through his jeans. Bring him back in the house and change him. Take him back out to the car. Go back in the house, get more stuff and come back out to the car and begin to buckle him in his carseat when I smell something. Take him back into the house. False alarm but I’m glad I checked. Maybe we won’t get to co-op on time afterall.

2pm Leave co-op. Usually don’t stay that late, but the site mgr and I had some things we needed to discuss and make some strategic decisions about and then they wanted DP to play the violin for them. She did and they did back flips. Concert lasted about 15 minutes. Girl’s born to perform.

DP had GREAT behavior and was very helpful in loading up one of the outreaches that went out. She also helped sweep and clean up. Call it a guilt offering for my abhorrent behavior from yesterday but I took the kids out for burritos and then to Toys R Us to look for some “men” for DP. These “men” are androgonous little Barbie doll type things. Definitely not Barbies…but flesh like dolls, shorter than Barbies. Can’t really describe them but when we’re at Hayden’s school on Mondays waiting for him in the preschool lounge while he’s in therapy she plays “Harriet Tubman and the Underground Railroad” with these dolls and she really loves them. Ended up leaving the Toy Emporium From Hell with an $8 baby bathtub kit, which thrilled her to no end.

4pm Pull in the driveway and feel the energy drain away from my body.

Get out of the car and check the mail, carrying that pile and as much as I can from the car in one hand while unhooking Bug from his carseat and then I open the garage door. Don’t sit on the couch….Don’t go NEAR it. The good voice wins out: I bring in everything from co-op and all of our bags and coats and drinks from the burrito place. I put the laundry from the washer into the dryer. Strip my dad’s bed and put those linens in the wash. Dust the house while Bug watches Psalty for the 147th time. He’s happy. I’m happy. DP’s playing with all of her baby dolls and is so happy she’s floating.

5pm Can’t even think about dinner, I’m so stuffed from our late lunch

Send DP to go jump on the trampoline for a few minutes before violin practice. She leaves explicit instructions for me, written on tiny little post-it notes, as to what I’m supposed to do with her baby dolls while she’s out. Apparently I’m the babysitter.

Put more clothes in the washer to soak until the cows come home. Or until my dad gets back from the Philippines tomorrow afternoon.

Costco Sue calls and we try to chat while Sarah Chang warms up the strings. I get Bug set up on his hearing aid FM system so he can listen to music through a CD player. Safe and contained. I sense a theme here.

6pm What do you mean it’s 6??? How’d THAT happen? Mercifully, the husband immediately begins mowing the yard when he gets home. Either it will help my dad’s anxiety when he gets home tomorrow or it won’t, but at least it’s mowed. I warm up some soup for the kids and the husband and sit down with them while they eat.

6:45 Husband goes off to Men’s Group. I help the kids finish up dinner and distribute Melatonin. Hayden thinks this part of the show is called, “Pretend You’re Chewing It But When Mommy Turns Around, Let It Fall To The Floor-She’ll Never Know”. I find it. The melatonin disappears for good this time.

7-7:30 Bedtime with no tears. Even read them a book. Thank God for small favors.

7:30 Let myself sit down and look at the TV listings. Idol’s on at 8. I make up my mind right then that if Jumbalaya or Mr. Chubby (his self appointed monikor,not mine, so save your hate mail) isn’t booted off tonight, I’m going to jump off the coffee table. I cruise around a little in my e-mail in-box and find out that YahooGroups is sending 15 duplicates on every message sent. Oh good…I could spend the rest of the night erasing that stuff. I find Glyn on IM and she tells me that Gwen Stefani is going to sing tonight. Oh happy day. I love her. I jump in the shower before Idol begins so yell at the judges all the while smelling very pretty. It’s the little things in life.

Glyn and I IM during the commercial breaks of Idol and are pleased with who got the boot.

I continue blogging to try to catch up with myself while Glyn and I IM back and forth. I want this blog to be realistic. I don’t want anything added. I don’t want it to be forced, contrived or manipulative in any way. I just want to see where my days go.

11pm Still not sure where all the minutes go. Feels like they vaporize before my eyes and I have nothing to show for it. Puddin’ Head Syndrome coming on again. Time to find my book and my new feather pillow.

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