Bump In The Road

Last Monday we found out that Hayden has to have another surgery because the ear canal that was just surgically enlarged closed in on itself….and around the surgical packing material that’s deep inside his ear canal. Not a good thing. So back to surgery we go. Tomorrow at 6am. NOT looking forward to this. When we realized that his canal had completely closed in at the doctor’s office last Monday, it felt as though we all had been sucker-punched. The doctor was stunned. Speechless. I closed my eyes and rested my head on Hayden’s left shoulder and wished the entire world would go away. Poof!!! No more air in the room. Jeff and I walked out of that office on auto-pilot. Delaney had fallen asleep in the waiting room so we gathered her up and got ourselves over to Grandma-Mother’s house (Jeff’s rebuilding the basement and updating the upstairs and it’s where we do all of our homeschooling) and were just numb the rest of the day.

Delaney was supposed to go to a “social thinking” group that afternoon and when we walked in all the kids were there, and one of the girls had a suspiciously red nose and chin. Hmmmmm. I asked the group leader if Meagan had a cold, so they asked her and Meagan responded in true Aspie form, “No, I don’t have a cold, I have a cough”, and right on cue, she barked like a sea lion. Delaney had barely sat down and we were outta there! I had to laugh at Meagan’s answer—just SO Aspie! But the other part of me would still like to choke her mother for A.) sending her to school that day (oh, I forgot, public school is day care) and B.) allowing her to go sit in a closed room (and a very hot one at that) with four other kids. MY kid. GEEESH. But I digress……

So it’s been a week. Lots of spontaneous and not-so-random tears shed. Normally I don’t go around crying at the drop of a hat, but just knowing that Hayden’s going to have to be under anesthesia again, so soon after having a VERY bad reaction to the last round, is just not sitting well. I just feel unsettled. I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that this surgery is NOT an option but it’s not helping me like it any more.

And then there was the part of needing to tell people, and that’s never easy. I flipped back and forth whether to tell people on FB. The upside was that it would be the most effective way to get word out. The downside is there are people on my FB wall who aren’t particularly close to me emotionally and I tend to be pretty guarded about sharing the intimate details of my life. The other part of that equation is that there are people on my FB and those who aren’t on FB, but who are technically “family” who have known EXACTLY what’s being going on with Hayden, but who couldn’t be bothered to call us (they have both our cell numbers), sit with us at the hospital for a few minutes during the six and a half hour ordeal, or even ask about him in the 24 days since surgery. OUCH. So may be my reluctance to share Hayden’s story was not so much because I didn’t want to cry again, but because I didn’t want to deal with more rejection. It is absolutely true that you find out who’s in your corner during tough times and I’ve had my “friend closet” cleaned out a few times since Hayden was born. Usually after the dust settles I’m very grateful that my list was honed down. Right now there’s no doubt in my mind that I’m one of the blessed people who needs to build a mansion in order to fit all of my true friends, my real family, in my corner. Thanks for being here with me, with Hayden, with us as we go over this bump in the road.

This week’s “go to” Bible verse is Isaiah 41:10

“fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your god; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.”

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