In general I think I do a pretty good job of “blooming where I’m planted”. We’ve had quite the adventurous life so far, and I have no doubt it will continue. We have been blessed (in the truest sense of the word) to meet some of the BEST human beings on the planet, and they will remain forever in our hearts. I am a better person, a better mother, a better soul, for counting them among my friends. On occasion however, it just cuts like a knife to know you’ve left behind someone so special and so full of love, especially when that love has been focused on your kids, the very beings who embody your own heart and soul outside of your own body.
Contrast the love and acceptance of that one person, who is now so far away, with the inexplicable and very real rejection of your precious (and at times very fragile) children by the people who are supposed to love them the most, and sometimes the heartache is too much for words.
Almost every week someone asks me if I miss Cali; Yogurtland, the beach, The Esplanade, Royal Palms, our many days spent at the tide pools, the hikes down to the beach behind Trump Intl. Golf Course, Trader Joe’s, the Starbuck’s with the BEST VIEW on the planet (I’ll go to the mat on that one), and The Strand. Of course I do, who wouldn’t? But it all pales in comparison to this. And this is what has me gutted tonight. A note filled with so much love you instinctually reach out with all your might to grab hold of it. It’s one of those nights I just need to blink away the tears and stay focused on all the love and friendship that does surround us, because indeed it does, like a warm marine layer on a summer morning. Here’s the note:
Hi, need some ideas for Hayden’s birthday. What’s he into now? Miss you all so much. We’ve been watching a spider (his name is Steve) making his miraculous web every night on our back gate. Last night we watched for 1/2 hour! The wonders of God. And of course all I could think of was Delaney and how she would have loved it. And how we would have watched for at least an hour and waited for Steve to catch his dinner. And how I would have had to tell her we couldn’t keep Steve for a pet! And how she would have tried and tried to talk me into it. And I miss that, too. Love, MB