Bronzers, blushes, concealers, oh MY!!

I’m seeing a lot of “selfies” around social media these days titled “make-up free for cancer awareness” with the person in the photo presumably going make-up free and then, taking her whole future in her hands, snapping a photo of herself with just. her. skin. GASP!! (or himself, as the case may be. Don’t know, because I don’t have a lot of drag-queen friends right now, but you never know. Not judging).

So here are my questions: If someone sees a photo of me sans make-up are they going to say, “OMG, look at her!! She def looks like she has cancer! I’m going to go get myself checked right this minute. (phone ringing in background) “Hello Brittneeeee? This is Jules. Drop what you’re doing right now! I just saw this woman on FB without make-up and she looks totally sick and pale and splotchy. For sure she has cancer, so we should like go get ourselves checked right NOW!! I know, right? Oh, and bring your “US” magazine cuz’ we totally need to get caught up on “The Bachelor” while we’re waiting to see if we have what that scary woman on FB has. K….bye”. Is that the point? Are we supposed to be scaring each other with photos of ourselves and that’s going to make us more aware of cancer?

Or is the thought process that the time you would normally spend putting on your make-up you should now devote to getting yourself checked for cancer? For me that would be 3.5 minutes, tops. Four minutes and 20 seconds if the hubs is taking me out for a hot date here on The Edge Of Nowhere. So, if that’s the case, then the whole cancer-screening process would have to move at the speed of light, or like an entire clinic on crack. Either way, it’s not a pretty picture and I’m sure they’d probably miss a tumor or two.

Then there’s this scenario: What about the people who normally don’t even wear make-up? What are they supposed to be doing during this “Going Make-Up Free For Cancer” time, twiddling their thumbs? Most of my friends from the SouthBay didn’t wear make-up. (I mean the peeps I hung out with when I wasn’t with J-Lo, or Jennifer Lawrence or the Kardashians.) We were all pretty “make-up free” because for one thing, I went to the beach like it was my JOB. Who (other than the Kardashians) goes to the beach will full-on make-up? I don’t know. And it’s not like we’re all Tammy-Faye-Bakkered-Up here in OurTown, so how do we include the “au natural” folks in the whole cancer-awareness thing?

And what if I DON’T take a selfie when I’m not wearing make-up declaring myself “cancer aware”. Does that mean I’m NOT aware of the threat? I’m just out there face nekked-as-a-jaybird, scaring small children and animals, AND I’m oblivious, like all those 98 year old women driving Buicks in the Costco parking lot? What if I just go on wearing make-up? Does that mean I’m an insensitive slob (more than normal), snubbing my nose at cancer awareness? Or am I SUPER insensitive because I’m wearing make-up during this “official” time of “Going Make-Up Free For Cancer”? And who made up this whole thing anyway? Do they have it in for cosmetic companies? I bet no ever asked Bobbi Brown what she things about taking selfies without make-up. I bet SHE’D have something to say about all this. And what about the men who aren’t drag-queens and who don’t wear make-up? Surely there has to be a couple of them around. So if they don’t take pictures of themselves declaring themselves “make-up free”, and “cancer aware” does that mean all the other photos of them are with them wearing make-up and they’re completely oblivious to the threat of cancer?

If you thought bronzers, liquid eye-liners vs. pencils, and how to use a contour brush properly was confusing, just try going without make-up for a day. I think I’ll go for the brown-paper-sack-over-my-head thank you very much.


P.S. I couldn’t find a brown paper bag

P.P.S. Taking a selfie with a bag over your head is harder than it looks


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